


Impluvium

by suzunesays



Category: SLBP - Fandom, Samurai Love Ballad Party - Fandom, 天下統一恋の乱 | Sakura Amidst Chaos | Samurai Love Ballad (Visual Novel)
Genre: Gen, TW: suicidal thoughts, first person POV, tw: depression, tw: drowning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2019-11-13 04:22:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18024602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzunesays/pseuds/suzunesays





	Impluvium

I hate the rain. 

The rain nourishes. Feeds the soil and brings forth life. Makes the trees grow to give us shelter. Replenishes the rivers that support our villages. Stops the spread of wildfire in its tracks, protecting life and property from conflagration. 

The rain cleanses. It washes away the soot, and dirt, and grime that chokes our cities. It collects in basins, and barrels, and buckets, brought into homes to wash our bodies. To clean our food… our instruments… our weapons. It removes the stains of daily life… and death… and renders our garments and rags spotless, like they were never touched at all.

But not for me.

Not for me.

The rain exposes. It washes away my shoddily-built façade of sarcasm, indifference, and ruthlessness. The force of it crashes against the bastions of my instincts for self-preservation, and I crumble. I fall apart, until all that is left is what I want no one to see. The rain can’t wash away my insecurities, my fears. Instead it reveals them, leaves them vulnerable to attack. Alone I sit, cowering in a pit as the water washes over my head. Relentless in its pursuit of some sort of forceful ablution by way of stripping off my camouflage until I am made to acknowledge the parts of myself that I wished never existed. So instead, I fight it. I struggle, and sputter, but the rain keeps pouring… pouring… pouring until there is no space left to breathe and I sink… sink… sink into it’s depths, trapped and walled in on all sides by the isolation from all of humanity that I have imposed upon myself.

I reach up, my hands are tiny like a child’s… my outer shell having crumbled away into a smaller, more vulnerable version of myself. Can anyone pull me out? I struggle against the urge to inhale, hoping desperately for rescue, but it never comes.

No one knows I’m drowning… because I never told anyone I could.

I don’t deserve to be rescued… not after what I did.

I sink, and sink… darkness creeping over my consciousness, my body hot and heavy… until my back hits the bottom and I wait. I wait for the rain to cease. For the water to dry up. And afterwards... I still rise. Spurred to my feet if only out of desperation to hide myself again- gathering the pieces of my disguise that were strewn about by the deluge and I rebuild.

And I hope to the gods above that it never rains again.

I hate the rain.


End file.
